Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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