I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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