I puked a lego.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
