oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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