I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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