would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
