I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
