forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
