I think my fart just growled at me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
