Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
