he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think i got beer on your cat.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
