the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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