really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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