Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
