You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
