well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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