idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
