I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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