i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize