That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish i was in the wii world.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
