I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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