You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
