The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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