Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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