My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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