How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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