just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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