so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
