STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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