Got a toothbrush?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
