I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize