Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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