He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
