remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
