Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
