So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
