Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Be still, my beating vagina.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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