i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
