Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
