drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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