I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
