i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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