you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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