hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Randomize
