Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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