Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
