Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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