Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
