took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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