Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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