I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
