come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
