Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
