i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
