Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize