Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
