Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
