She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
