how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
