i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
