Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
