Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
