And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
