Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
