captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Terrible idea I love it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
