So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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