I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
