I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
