Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
