These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
