he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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