forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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