Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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