how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
