We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
