Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
