I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
