I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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