I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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