you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
