Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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