I wish I could punch you in the face.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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