I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
