Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
