i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
