tell your sister to shave her snatch
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
