So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize