Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
