Soap is not a condiment
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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