the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
third nipple confirmed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
