i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
