Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
