I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
