She is in my trunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
