Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
