So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
