I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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