omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
