I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
