Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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