I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
