dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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