C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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