And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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