It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
