Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize