i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
