how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
