I'm going to jail i love you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
