Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
