he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
